Very disappointed and ashamed to say I acted out today. The urge to act out came on very suddenly. My resolve rating has been consistently at 100% recently and I have been keeping up with this recovery diary and daily recovery work. I think what brought this one was boredom at work on Friday, which lead to me drinking alcohol yesterday. I very rarely drink alchohol, pretty much never. I didn't drink much it was just a couple of drinks whilst out with friends. However, I think the alcohol messed up my routine a bit and unsettled me. I didnt' sleep as peacefully as normal and although it doesn't sound much, as a sex addict that's the kind of thing that can set off acting out behaviour.

I am not giving up though, I am determined and comitted to getting sober. After a relapse I try to look at how I can change and improve my strategy as far as recovery work goes. I'm frsutrated that recently I was sober for 8.5 months and following that the relapses have been happening at shorter intervals. This latest relapse follwed a period of 27 days sober. That 8.5 month sober run isn't the first of its kind since this addiction started so I know I can do better.

Anyway, as promised to myself I will now start going to 12 step meetings in person. I am going to go to local meetings (and also do online skype telemeetings). From my research and learning this is an essential part of recovery work, along with getting a sponsor so although I wanted to give myself one more chance to not go to these meetings, it was probably inevitable that I would have to make them part of my recovery work. Obviously I am going to keep writing and posting this diary so I will let you know how the meetings go.

Saturday 15th October
RR 100%
24 days sober
Writing this on Saturday with pen and paper for a change, will upload tomorrow. Feeling very positive tonight. Have decided that I'm going to have more fun going forward basically. Going to get out a bit and socialise in real life more. I think part of what causes me to act out is lonliness and boredom. Also feeling higher morale towards and more motivated to do well at work now.

Sunday 16th October.
RR 100%
25 days sober
Not feeling quite as positive as yesterday, but still another sober day which is what really counts. Got something of a headache although nothing major. Going to watch some Dr Milton Magness videos as I find him very inspiring, and also some Christian viewpoints on sex addiction (continue an interesting video I started watching a couple of days ago). I'm not religious myself but just because it's a Christian video it doesn't mean that the video will say nothing I agree with/not have any good ideas and strategies.
Hope everyone is doing great.

RR 100%
23 says sober

Made it to the end of the work week, looking forward to a good sleep and no alarm clock tomorrow morning! Work has felt draining in a tedious way this week but overall I am happy with how I am handling things. Going to watch some youtube videos on sexual addiction recovery as part of my 20 mins recovery work today.

Resolve Rating 100%
22 days sober today.

Feeling positive at this exact moment which is great, and not always usually the case after work when I can often be feeling purely tired and drained. Looking forward to doing something social and fun tomorrow. As part of my recovery work for today I am going to look at some sexual addiction recovery videos on youtube. Hope everyone has had a good day!

Jeff

RR has been at 100% for most of the day, was a brief period in the evening when it was down to 80% but that phase passed. 3 weeks sober today which is great. Important to remember that if I act out once more during 2016 then I am going to start going to 12 step meetings in person. Hopefully it doesn't come to that. 12 step meetings are a good idea but I'd like it not to come to that. I will have no choice though if I act out again before the end of 2016 though.

Feeling quite tired from work at this point, important to not let things get out of proportion though. As I type this I need a good sleep and that will be happening soon. I will feel much fresher in the morning. The cold I had has much improved.